We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
