I think my vagina is haunted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
