Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
