this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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