Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
