We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
