Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
