dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
