I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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