Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
