So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
