I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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