He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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