I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
