how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
