she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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