how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
