dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i believe in u and ur pee
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