So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
