I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drake has all the answers
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
