It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
