You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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