I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
