He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
