So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
