It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
