After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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