forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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