So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
