two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
