I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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