It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
