I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
