I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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