so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
false alarm. still invincible.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
