first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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