why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
