My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
