no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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