dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
