OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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