I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do vagina's smell?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
