I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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