I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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