i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
