I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
