I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am one with the molecules
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
