u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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