you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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