I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
