hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
