im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
