beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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