I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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