Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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