Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
