I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
