My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
