His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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