You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
