Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
