I want to walk on stilts...naked
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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