Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
