hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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