he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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