I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
