Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
