sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
