Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
