I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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