remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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