If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
