Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your cock deserves a montage
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
