I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
