at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
